Under Everything Heard From Under The Kichen Table
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: Sometimes the thing that needs to be said, the thing that you overhear is the thing you need to hear. *ONESHOT*


Howard stared down at his soup, he didn't really want it if he was honest with himself. He had an uneasy feeling in his stomach and he didn't think adding food into it would be the best idea. It wasn't that Vince had gone out tonight. It was that he'd gone out every night since Ithat night/I and Howard couldn't help but think he'd freaked him out with his stupid sentiments, scared him off with his claims and driven him away later with his lies.

But he had to eat, even if it meant sitting alone with just a bowl of soup and a spoon for company. He went to pick the spoon but where his mind was on other things his hand missed, knocking it under the table. He sighed, shaking his head and letting his shoulders slump forward slightly. Pushing his chair back, he dropped to his knees and leant forward to get it. He was just about to sit back up when he heard shouts coming up the stairs. He couldn't make out what was being said but he could tell whatever it was, was coming out of Vince's mouth.

It was a voice he'd never heard Vince use before, it was a proper argument not just a teasing quip or a temper tantrum that he was having. Something about the way he was shouting unsettled Howard, tension had been higher than usual recently and he felt like if he interrupted Vince venting his…what? Anger? Emotions? Frustration? Whatever it was he knew if he got in the way he'd be dragged into it and that was the last thing he wanted.

He wondered if he could make a dash for it, get into his room before Vince made it up the stairs but he'd even stuck his head out from under the table he knew he'd never make it in time. So he was trapped, all he could hope for was that this, whatever it was Vince was yelling about, would be over soon. From where Howard was sat all he could see was a pair of familiar shiny silver boots and a not so familiar pair of black ones.

"Why are ya bein' like this, Vince?" The voice was harsh, cockney accent and full of that 'I'm so cool' attitude, no doubt it was on of Vince's stupid popular friends.

"Why won't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

Howard fiddled with the spoon under the table, it was a rare thing for Vince to use such strong language and even rarer for him to tell one of them to leave him alone.

"Look, mate, calm down…"

"Don't tell me to calm down, just get out then maybe I'll calm down!"

"Why? I ain't done nothin' wrong 'ave I?"

"You have! You know exactly what you done"

"It's not like I meant anything by it though"

He heard a dull thump, most likely Vince'd kicked whatever was nearest to him. He heard a noise, nearly a growl come from him.

"That's the fucking point you idiot! You can't just go round kissing people for nothing! Just coz you're bored or it's a laugh! I'm sick of it. All of it!"

"Well you never said anything last time or the time before that, you seemed just fine with using me then for a laugh. You can't come over all saintly now Vince, you're one of the biggest sluts in our group, you've had just about everyone in Camden and never once did you care about them, it was just for your entertainment, getting off on the fact that you can have anyone you want and fuck anyone else who might get in the way. You forget I see you every night with your tongue down some chick or guys throat only to see you the next night on someone else. Sometimes not even remembering the other name of the person from just one day ago. I've looked around the room and had to watch these girls in floods of tears because you don't even recognize them, so done even dare telling me what I did was wrong, you hypocrite."

Howard dropped the spoon in shock, not because he wasn't used to one of those electro ponces being able to string together a paragraph, though that was shocking too, but because he was being shown what Vince was really like. It was that insight into a part of his life that Howard couldn't normally see that shocked him. Luckily neither of them heard the metal clatter on the ground over the sound of the other man's accusations and he went unnoticed even though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what he was hearing.

"Yeah, well it's different now" This time Vince didn't shout, he spoke with more volume than was needed but it was a hollow voice that said it.

"How is it? You were the same glittered up whore last Saturday at Leroy's party when you ended up in his bed just like usual. Nothing's changed, so you can give up this set of morals that you've pulled out of your arse, you've never felt, and you'll probably never gonna, the rejection that everyone else does."

Howard heard the cracking sound of a fist connecting with a nose. He was pretty sure Vince had reached the end of his temper and as slight as Vince was he sure did pack a punch. Howard didn't know this from direct experience but once when they were younger, the first time someone asked him why he'd brought his dad to his gig he'd knocked three of his teeth out and got them kicked out. To Howard's knowledge he'd never hit anyone since. Until just then. There was silence for a few minutes, all three men to scared to make a sound. The other man, the stranger, got his nerve back first.

"What the hell was that for"

"You shouldn't try to tell me how I feel, you know fuck all about how I feel."

"More like I touched on truth, hit a nerve"

"Yeah! You did! Happy now? You don't know the rejection I've felt. Those girls are just flakes, they will hop from one guy to another, they may hurt and cry for a day or so but just like me they'd be onto someone else before they can feel rejection properly. Have they actually loved me? Have they ever told me that? Have they shouted it from a rooftop?"

Vince's voice broke and if Howard had been capable of leaning his head any further out from under the table he would have seen tears shining in his eyes but he was more interested in the words that were coming out of Vince's mouth. One word in particular. Rooftop.

"What and you do shout it from rooftops then do you?"

"I should. I should of when I had the chance to."

Howard watched the feet come to towards him. Shit. Had be been seen? Had Vince noticed the still full bowl on the table. He should just give up and crawl out. Save himself the humiliation. But he could make his legs move.

The legs stopped just short of the table and turned before Vince sat on the edge of the table.

"What's wrong with me?"

Vince's voice was shaky, Howard hadn't heard him speak like that since back at the zoo, when they were really young. It was the first time they'd gotten into a life or death situation, he'd pissed of a tiger and nearly made himself lunch. He hadn't really heard that voice since. One of complete fear, emotion and resignation. Howard almost wished he'd start shouting again.

"Hey mate, I didn't mean half of what I said, no need to get all mental breakdown on me"

"'S true though, ain't it? I'm just a stupid tart that couldn't see what he had until he lost it. That's me all over ain't it, I get something and it's fine for a few minutes but then I get bored of it and it's not good enough and I chuck it away for something shinier until I realise that that's crap too and I want what I had before. Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had?"

While Vince was making his speech, Howard sat as still as he could, barely breathing, not that his brain was capable of making him move anyway. The black pair of boots joined Vince at the table but didn't sit down. Probably a good thing seeing as if the table collapsed Howard was in the worst possible position.

"What did you have that was so special, whatever it was couldn't have been that good or you wouldn't have chucked it away, would ya?"

The words were meant to have a calming effect but instead they pushed Vince over the brink, they sent tears and eyeliner in tracks down his cheeks. Howard could hear Vince crying from below him and he wanted more than anything to just be able to give him a hug and tell him he was being soft and he hadn't chucked everything away and that they were still best friends no matter what.

"I had…the best thing ever. Proper love. Someone who knows…didn't even give a shit what…I'm like…what I wear…how shallow I am. But I…I…I" Vince gave up on the end of his sentence and dissolved into tears, accepting the arms that offered to hold him while he got struggled with half sentences and jumbled up words.

Those arms should be mine, I'm his best friend, I don't call him a whore. Howard seethed silently, but still didn't make an attempt to move. Instead he tried to make sense of what Vince was trying say, words that seemed to mean the world to him and he fought so hard to say through the t-shirt of the other guy.

"puts up…so much"

"never complains"

"saved my neck"

"never even…thank you"

"chocolate spread"

"nearly raped a yeti"

"raped by a fish"

"told me…love…I panicked…"

"now he won't…"

"and I love…"

Suddenly the tears, the shallow breathing and the mumbling stopped. A few seconds of silence. Then the black boots stumbled backwards, presumably the owner had been pushed backwards too.

"You don't get it do you? It's not about you! I'm in love with someone else!"

"I just thought you needed…"

"No I don't, all I need is him! But thanks to you lot turning me into a stupid shallow bitch I've lost him now, I've lost everything I want and it's my fault for caring what you lot would think! Well I don't anymore. I care what any of you think. It's too late now but if it would change anything I would shout it from the rooftop. I'd scream at the top of my lungs, I love Howard!"

"Who?"

Vince however didn't answer, as soon as he'd said those three words he'd felt a large thump come from the wood of the table. Followed by a muffled groan. He got off the table and crouched down. For a few seconds he couldn't believe what he saw. Howard on his knees one hand clutching a silver spoon and the other holding his head, which he'd obviously hit on the top of the table.

"Howard?"

Howard looked up at him then looked away quickly, realising he'd been caught. Vince looked just as much of a sight as he did, eyeliner in great long lines down his face and his lip was slightly redder and swollen, it looked he'd been biting it. Howard couldn't bring himself to answer. He felt like he'd invaded something private that he wasn't meant to see. At the same time he wanted to chuck himself at Vince, make him see everything was ok. Vince took the silence badly.

"How much did you hear? Well, I guess all of it as you're under the table…I'm sorry Howard I didn't mean for you to hear it…I don't wanna make things worse between us even though I already did. Sorry. Again." Vince stopped talking before he started making a fool of himself.

"Do you mean it?" Howard looked up from the floor.

"Yeah, I really am sorry…"

"No I meant what you said to him…about me?"

"Oh ermm…" Vince looked down awkwardly, it was easy for him to say it when he didn't know Howard was there but saying it now seemed different. More real. He knew if he said it now, he would never be able to take it back. So if it buggered up their friendship it would all he his fault. Could he live with that?

"Did you? Y'know before. On the roof" he sidestepped the question, it was a cowardly thing to do, he knew that but he couldn't deal with the pressure.

"You're not a stupid shallow bitch, Vince."

"What does that mean?"

"It means yes"

"Oh…good."

"You?"

"What… Me?"

"Did you mean it?"

"You're not a jazzy freak with no dress sense"

"What does that mean?"

"It means yes!"

"Good"

"Do I still have to shout it from the rooftop?"

"Too damn right! But maybe later yeah, give us a hand up?"

Once they were both standing they looked at each other for a few minutes, both of them taking in the fact that not all was lost. Of course the moment was ruined.

"Who's this then Vince?"

"That's Howard"

A look of indifference passed over his face, the point apparently not made clear enough.

"Who I love"

A look of horror replaced the indifference, the point was made.

"You're kidding me!"

"Nope" Vince took Howard's hand in his as if to prove himself, Howard looked down at is as if it would all disappear when he blinked but a smile crept to his lips when he accepted that it was really there. The other guy crumpled into laughter.

"This is soooo going on myspace…"

"GET OUT!"


End file.
